How to Avoid an Abusive Relationship: Early Warning Signs to Look For

How to Avoid an Abusive Relationship: Early Warning Signs to Look For

Monday, November 25th, marked the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women, a day dedicated to raising awareness about an issue that has affected countless lives worldwide since its inception in 1981. In honor of this important day, we’ve created a guide to help you identify the early warning signs of an abusive relationship and avoid getting entangled in one.

As someone with experience working in domestic violence shelters, I can attest to the devastating impact of abuse and the importance of spotting the subtle signs before the situation escalates. Abusers often operate under a facade, and without the right knowledge, it can be challenging to see through it.

If you’d prefer to watch rather than read, check out our full video on this topic here, where we dive deeper into the subject.

Understanding Domestic Violence: More Than Physical Abuse

Domestic violence isn’t just about physical harm. While that is often the most visible form, abuse can take on many other insidious forms, including emotional, financial, verbal, sexual, social, and even spiritual abuse. Let’s break these down:

1. Physical Abuse

This is the most recognised form of domestic violence and includes physical assaults, use of weapons, destruction of property, and forced sleep deprivation. However, physical abuse rarely occurs first; it often follows other manipulative behaviours designed to trap the victim.

2. Emotional Abuse

Emotional manipulation or psychological abuse can include constant criticism, blame-shifting, and bullying that undermines a person’s self-worth. Victims often begin to question their own sanity and believe they deserve the mistreatment.

3. Financial Abuse

Controlling access to money, bank accounts, or resources can make it nearly impossible for someone to leave. This form of abuse is designed to create dependency and fear of financial ruin.

4. Social Abuse

This involves isolating victims from their friends, family, and support networks. Abusers may move to locations far from loved ones, demean social connections, or control who their partner interacts with.

5. Verbal Abuse

Insults, humiliating taunts, and threats can erode confidence and create fear. This can happen privately or publicly, further isolating victims.

6. Sexual Abuse

Rape and other non-consensual acts, even within a relationship, are forms of sexual abuse. Victims often feel trapped by threats or manipulation.

7. Spiritual Abuse

This includes using religion or culture to justify abuse, denying access to spiritual practices, or belittling someone’s beliefs.

Why Don’t They Just Leave?

It’s easy to wonder why someone wouldn’t walk away from such a toxic situation. But the truth is, leaving an abusive relationship isn’t as simple as it seems.

On average, it takes someone seven attempts to leave an abusive partner for good. The cycle of abuse often involves periods of affection and remorse, creating confusion and hope that things will get better. Add financial dependency, social isolation, or fear of retaliation, and the situation becomes even more complex.

What Is Trauma Bonding?

A key reason many victims stay is due to trauma bonding. This psychological phenomenon occurs when an abuser alternates between cruelty and affection, creating a cycle of confusion and addiction in the victim’s brain.

The highs of the "good times" and the lows of the abuse form a chemical attachment that makes leaving feel impossible. Recognising this pattern is critical for breaking free.

Early Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship

Abuse rarely starts with overt violence. Instead, abusers often use subtle tactics to establish control. Here are some red flags to watch for in the early stages:

• Excessive Flattery: They shower you with compliments, gifts, or attention that feels too good to be true.

• Rapid Relationship Progression: Pushing for quick commitment, like moving in or getting engaged, within a short time.

• Jealousy and Possessiveness: Becoming irrationally upset when you spend time with others.

• Excessive Communication: Constant texting or calling, with anger if you don’t respond immediately.

• Criticism of Your Friends and Family: Subtly or overtly trying to isolate you from your support system.

• Mood Swings: Switching between kindness and cruelty without warning.

• Boundary Pushing: Testing how far they can go with small requests or behaviours.
  
  

Signs to Leave Immediately

If you notice these behaviours, it’s time to exit the relationship:

• They humiliate or belittle you.

• They monitor your phone, social media, or whereabouts.

• They pressure you into major decisions, like unprotected sex or tattoos.

• They display physical aggression, like throwing objects or punching walls.

• You feel scared of them.
  
  

What to Do If You’re in an Abusive Relationship

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, seek help immediately. Reach out to trusted friends, family, or local support organisations. You’re not alone, and resources are available to help you safely escape and rebuild.

Learn More and Stay Informed

For a deeper dive into recognising and addressing abusive relationships, watch our video: How to Avoid an Abusive Relationship: Early Warning Signs to Look For.

If you have questions or If this topic resonates with you, we encourage you to explore more about navigating grief and end-of-life challenges. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey, book a consultation below.

Remember: Knowledge is power, and recognising the signs early could save a life.