10 Societal Norms That Frustrate a Death Educator
Insights on the misconceptions and challenges that hinder meaningful conversations about death.
6/5/20243 min read
10 Societal Norms That Frustrate a Death Educator
In a Q&A we did a while back, I mentioned how I started this channel and our education company out of frustration. Let me elaborate on what really pisses me off as a death educator. Think of this blog as a behind-the-scenes look at the societal issues we need to change. Before we begin, remember that we post death and dying-related content every Friday, so if that interests you, consider subscribing to our YouTube channel. Now, let’s dive into the frustrations of a death educator.
1. Death Over Dying
Many people claim they've conquered their fear of death and become quite preachy about it, talking endlessly about funerals, wills, body disposal, and autopsies—things that occur after you're dead. However, when it comes to discussing the actual process of dying, they get rattled. Most death-related channels that do well focus on post-death topics. While there's no hate towards those creators, it's interesting that not many talk about the dying process, the part you’ll actually be around for. Funerals and body disposal are stable and somewhat controllable, unlike the unpredictable nature of dying. Talking about post-death topics is a basic start to overcoming death anxiety, but it won't fully relieve it until you further your journey of acceptance.
2. Flippant Attitudes
Phrases like "just shoot me" or "just dump my body" are deflections of discomfort. People who say this don’t really mean it—they're just cutting off the conversation to avoid dealing with it. When you push these individuals, they get defensive and agitated, disregarding the grief and stress they cause others. As a psychotherapist, I understand it, but as a human being, it really pisses me off.
3. Funerals Are Unnecessary
Some people think they are enlightened by claiming funerals are pointless. Funerals seem unnecessary only because our society is emotionally stunted and removed from death. Other cultures use this time to mourn, cry, grieve, and support each other. In Australia, many people just show up and keep everything inside. This isn’t the fault of funerals; it’s the fault of being death-avoidant and emotionally barren.
4. All Embalming Should Be Banned
Embalming has legitimate uses, such as repatriating a body overseas or placing it in a crypt. Some people argue for banning embalming without doing any research or realizing that most bodies in countries like Australia are not embalmed. They just follow the US trend without checking basic facts.
5. Abandonment of the Grieving
When someone loses a partner, their friend group is initially supportive but often disappears after a few months. They justify it by thinking the grieving person won’t want to be around couples, but they don't give them a choice. This happens with parents who lose children too. It's crucial to support your friends through their grief, even if it's uncomfortable.
6. Abandonment of the Elderly and Terminally Ill
People often neglect elderly or terminally ill family members, using excuses of being busy or tired. If someone was good to you, you should be good to them. Abandoning them is not acceptable, and there’s no valid excuse for it.
7. Lack of Death Education in Medical Schools
Medical training often neglects the ethical aspects of dying, laws like voluntary assisted dying, and how to handle patient death. Our company aims to address this by providing education to medical students, but it's alarming how little these topics are covered in their curriculum.
8. Telling a Dying Person to Fight or Not Give Up
Telling someone in hospice to "fight" or "not give up" is insensitive. Dying people are not sick or injured—they are dying. This attitude often stems from death denial or a misunderstanding of the patient’s condition. It’s crucial to understand and respect the reality of their situation.
9. Cemeteries Should Be Banned
Some people believe cemeteries should be banned, thinking it’s a groundbreaking idea. However, cemeteries are essential and will never be banned. They serve an important role in society, and the idea of banning them is impractical.
10. Widowed Parents Forcing a New Parent on Their Kids
Widowed parents, particularly men, sometimes rush to bring a new partner into their children's lives to avoid dealing with household responsibilities. This often happens soon after the mother’s death, ignoring the children’s grief. This approach rarely works and can lead to strained relationships.
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These societal norms around death need to change. While progress will be slow, we can make improvements both personally and collectively. If you need help discussing a death-related matter, consider booking an online consultation with us. Visit our website for more information, and let us know in the comments which death-related issue frustrates you the most. And with that, go talk about death.
